This is my 30 day challenge: Take time out to do what I love, make positive changes, be challenged, grow and rediscover myself.
I know it and I dread it. My husband will walk in later today and ask me, “What did you get up to today?”
Some part of me thinks I’m meant to tell him something amazing, but all I can think of is how I vegetated on the couch in a depressive state, wondering if another carton of chips will make it better. My greatest debate is whether it’s worth the effort to get up and order myself a bucket of fried chicken or not.
I guess no man wants to hear something like that. Maybe somehow it’s an indirect kick at the male organs – look at your wife, she’s depressed and you can’t fix it. You did this.
Actually, he didn’t do it. As easy as it is to make someone else take the blame, I know he shouldn’t. I don’t blame myself either, because I can’t always help the fact that certain factors lead to depression. Getting out of it is harder than getting into it. All I can do is take little steps. One thing at a time. Stay active, stay healthy, make little changes, celebrate small successes, progress forward and upwards, and on the off days, keep going even if I don’t want to.
Today is a day where I don’t want to, but I’ll try. I’ll start by getting up from the couch. I’ll stop dreading what hasn’t happened and work things out, so that when my husband walks in later today and asks me, “What did you get up to today?” I’ll be able to hold myself accountable for my time and how I spent it and say,
“Today I changed the world (my world, my attitude, my way of thinking, my depressive state). One step at a time.”